They say that it’s the little things in life that keep you going: the good parking space at the grocery store, accidentally catching a movie on TBS that you’d been meaning to see, and having armpits that smell like chai. The loyal among you may remember that I have body wash A.D.D.: I get about halfway through a bottle, get bored with it, and switch to another scent. I now have the same problem with deodorant, thanks to my new friends at Secret.

They have this new line of stuff called “Scent Expressions.” Where you used to be limited to powder or “ambiguous fresh” scent, the Scent Expressions line comes in the following:

Arctic Apple
Brazilian Cherry
French Lavender
English Bloom
Vanilla Chai
Eastern Lily
Southern Peach
Tropical Tango
Jasmine Orient
Kuku Coco Butter
Afrikan Violet
Spanish Rose
Asian Pear
Passion Flower

Secret’s web site even has a cheesy little Flash game to help you decide which scent is right for you, which contains questions that ask you whether you more closely relate to a mermaid or an undiscovered species. I don’t think it’s supposed to be funny. The Flash on the site is clunky and takes a while to load, but the cheese factor is totally worth it. The quiz told me that I would love French Lavender, but my personal fave so far is Vanilla Chai (I also have Kuku Coco Butter and Asian Pear). If my local Target stocked Brazilian Cherry, this may be a harder decision.

Scent Expressions isn’t a perfect solution (the invisible solid isn’t exactly invisible), but it’ll have to do until someone puts out a line of Gothtastic deodorants. Here are some suggestions:

Nosferatu Nag Champa
Clockwork Clove
Evil Egyptian Musk
Paleface Patchouli
Bela’s Crypt (smells even more like dirt than Patchouli)