“A marriage is not about purchasing sole access to a cooter.”

–Aunt B.

Now, please go see why she has imparted this pearl of wisdom upon us. It is an excellent post.

From the Boredest Girl in Nashville, but it could have been written by me or plenty of women I know:

I’m not the sort of girl guys talk to. I’m a buddy girl. I’m witty, I’m fun, I’m cool, but not “hot”. Or whatever. It’s cool. I don’t really want to be “picked up”.

Guys say they like a sense of humor and all that, but it’s certainly not what initially attracts them. They’re visual creatures and short of wearing a clown suit (or ironic t-shirt, same difference), it’s hard to convey your sense of humor through how you look. It’s even harder for me since I don’t wear glasses, so I can’t get that “Tina Fey” look to let men know that I have a witty, dry sense of humor.

When I was still single and living in Memphis, there was this party held every week on the roof of the Peabody Hotel. I’m sure it had some marketing name, but we all called it the Rooftop Party. It was a meat market (meet market?). It was fun to go if for no other reason than to observe the mating ritual of the human.

But there were tales…urban legends…of women who met their husbands there. Read the rest of this entry »

Word on the street is that good old Client Number 9 will have more time to spend with the family starting next Monday.  New York Lieutenant Governor David Paterson will become the first African-American governor in New York history and the first legally blind governor in US history.

Signs of the Apocolypse Part 247:

A teenager at McCallie High School in Chattanooga was injured in the aftermath of a contentious whiffle-ball game.

I grew up with the half holed ball and the game, and my friends and I engaged in many an argument over the strike zone (solved with a towel hung from the back of a chair), but we never resorted to violence. Not that I eeeven want to resort to the ‘back in my day, we never used violence when playing whiffle-ball’, but what the hell…what’s WRONG with these whipper-snappers today?

It’s been a year since Liz’s father left. A year of coming to terms with what that means, what it looks like in her family’s structure, what really happened and what she’s learned from it. I’m amazed and encouraged by the maturity that she shows a year later as she finally writes about what happened that night; the answers she’s able to give herself to the questions she asked a year ago. We all know, we’ve all heard the reports on studies done about parents splitting up and what it does to the kids but we don’t always hear from the kids themselves. I’m so glad that Liz shared her story with us.

I stayed on that couch, if I didn’t move, I didn’t have to face it. I could pretend. That was the only way to cope, those first few weeks, all you could do was pretend. Pretend dad was on a trip like they sent him on, pretend nothing is wrong, maybe you’ll trick your brain into believing that crock. The first month or two it was not uncommon to burst into tears. Dad moved his stuff out one day in March. I couldn’t bear to be home to see that, so the first time I ever drove alone was that day, up the street to sit in the vacant church parking lot until he left the house. I didn’t see him for at least another month. My brother moved in, my sister dropped out of nursing school, my mom became depressed, I don’t know what I did. I probably sat on that couch some more.

Nobody tells you how to react to your father leaving a seemingly stable, happy, marriage of twenty-five years.

All of it is very well written. It’s poignant but not sappy, truthful but not hurtful. The conclusions she comes to at the end of the post show insight and wisdom well beyond her years.

Ben Cunningham tells us:

The average man proposes two years, 11 months and eight days after first meeting their love, research has revealed

…

Oh, and after you marry them, then you have to train them according to a new book.

What Ben neglects to link to is information that will tell us how to train our boyfriends to propose marriage in much less time than the average. What positive behavior should I reward to get that result?*

* I’m kidding. Not only do I realize that I cannot train my boyfriend to do anything (he’d recognize any attempt right away–he’s very smart), I also have no intention of waiting three years (or more for him to propose). I’ll do it if and when I start getting antsy.

Did you know the Murphy’s Law of marital romance states if a Victoria’s Secret package crosses your threshold that someone will start hacking or sneezing within the next 24 hours?

I’ve seen some posts yesterday and today about this and then we got a “tip” from a reader, so here you go, a friendly little reminder that Suze Orman is offering her eBook, “Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny”, free today until 7 pm CST.

Go here to download it. And from what I understand, bring a measure of patience with you since the site is getting “slammed”.

Personally, I’m not an Orman fan, but I loved what Kerry Woo (our “tipster”) said in this comment at GearDiary:

While not everybody agrees with the packaging of the messenger, the principles are the same. Debt can be devastating, especially when medical illness or disasters strike like the recent tornadoes here in Tennessee. Single parents have it rough and even those who been through an extended job loss.

Nonetheless, getting in debt is fun, but it’s a real drag to get out. Sometimes, we don’t want to hear condemnation, but rather compassion. There are many great counseling or financial resources available for your particular style, whether it’s Dave Ramsey, Crown Ministries, Consumer Credit Counseling Services or even Suze Orman.

It’s been said that one can graduate from high school, go to college for a MBA or PhD, and yet never learn how to balance a checkbook or buy their first car or deal with repaying student loans in a tough job market.

So true, so true. And fact is, many women find themselves in dire financial straits after a marriage or long-term relationship goes sour. Sound financial advice is crucial and if this can help someone out, then I’m all for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m so “over” Valentine’s Day but I also recognize my disdain for it comes from the fact that I’ve had someone to “celebrate” this ridiculous holiday with for the past, ouch, 17 years. The “ouch” comes from the fact I just realized while typing that, that I was seventeen on our first Valentine’s Day together. Sorry, that’s just blowing my mind a little bit. OK, moving on…this holiday does bring out some of the best in many of us and provides excellent blog fodder. Here’s a sampling from some locals, not-so-locals and former locals. (I’ll update, hopefully, throughout the day as I find more.)

Valentine’s Day, Sarcastro style - and I have to say, I was a bit surprised by his candor and openness but glad to see his biting wit is still in place:

That beautiful smile. That picture you have in the car of us, early in the courtship, you are grinning ear to ear. It is one of my favorite pictures of you. If I wreck the car, it will be due to staring at your picture. Thus, any auto accident I am involved in is YOUR fault. My insurance company will be in touch.

Shoot, I guess this is how my parents felt seventeen years ago!

I’m crushin’ on Google’s logo today. All together now…Awwwww!

Nicole at Sitting Still isn’t really talking Valentine’s, but I love what she says about fake feelings versus real feelings. The post is about post-partum depression and how at times, she had to do a bit of “fake it til ya make it” expressions of happiness for the sake of her family and her own sanity. Thankfully, over time, the smiles are not longer fake and that feels so good:

This time, I wasn’t putting on a boisterous display of happy for his sake. I think I probably sighed and smiled weakly, relieved to have him home. However, as difficult as this afternoon was, I also wasn’t miserable. I wasn’t doubting myself or my ability to mother these children. Exhausted? Yes. Touched out? For sure. But still able to laugh at myself when I told Claire she had something on that “area below her lip” and she came back with, “You mean my CHIN, mommy?” Indeed.

It ain’t perfect, but it’s real. And right now? Real feels good.

This is what many of us are really excited about today. I’m totally getting the kiddos to bed early tonight!

LeBlanc puts his Valentine’s grinchy self on the shelf and springs for flowers. Good for you!

I sent one of these JibJab e-cards to DB. The customizable ones are a hoot! h/t: Mrs. Fussypants

…including those who don’t follow Going Like Sixty’s advice, Justin Mundie’s got a tip for you with regard to your wookin’ pa nub.

And Gavin’s got some faith-filled pick up lines. My favorite? “I’m sure glad your mama was pro-life.”

Just don’t ask who the horse is!

So, part* of Family and Parenting is marriage. Marriage is one of my most favorite subjects. In fact, I plan to pursue that Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy that I put off right after getting my B.S. in Psychology. (I, um, was still a newlywed and you know, sometimes you just put off stuff like that.) In the mean time, I mostly just like to talk about marriage and relationships. I was excited to see that Mrs. Fussypants had announced her intentions of putting up a site about marriage for wives like me…extraordinary, if I do say so myself!

My biggest pet peeve in talking about relationships is when spouses start bashing their other halves. And I’ll be honest, I wasn’t quite sure if Fussy’s site would fit the bill in terms of being helpful but not catty. But, I should have known better because Fussy is well intentioned and very funny. And practical too, as seen in this post about real ways to keep your marriage on solid ground during the sleep deprived years.

Go on over and check it out!

I just know you’re going to be totally floored when I tell you which editor position I was chosen for. Hang onto to your hats, put down your beverage of choice, wait for it….Family & Parenting. I know! Whodathunkit? I was seriously expecting a nod toward the political editor position so this really took me by surprise. But hey, I love a challenge and I’m up to trying new things.

When I started blogging way back in 2005, I’d never heard the term “MommyBlogger” but that quickly changed as I started reading more and more blogs. Most of my favorites turned out to be authored by moms. And most of my posts were about my adventures in motherhood as well. So, I guess I know a little bit about this topic. But I want to assure you that all my posts here will not be about poop, breastfeeding, the latest in children’s fashion, preschool woes, & puke. Family has all sorts of definitions and many of you write eloquently and humorously and poignantly about your families. Whether you are a single person, married with no children, adult caregiver for aging parents or even a “MommyBlogger”, your family shapes your life and many times are prime blog fodder!

So, a little about me…I’m Malia, I blog over here with my husband, DB. We have two children and one dog. I hang out at the YMCA, Chick-Fil-A, Target and Kroger. We’ve lived in Nashville for about 10 1/2 years. It’s home now and I hope to stick around. The Schermerhorn Symphony Center is my favorite place in Nashville. I like chocolate, coffee and Coca-Cola. (That, my friends is good bribe info, remember it.) Though I’m told you don’t have to bribe me, you’re just supposed to e-mail “us” at that email address at the top right part of the webpage. Oh well, I tried. Did I mention I’m terribly sarcastic?

I leave you with a few quotes about family:

Home is where they have to let you in.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’
Jeff Foxworthy

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971)

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.
Anthony Brandt

[Title quote from: Giuseppe Mazzini (1805 - 1872)]

Sam Davidson writes about “Intentional Poverty”

Poverty’s a big word. It’s not that long or even particularly difficult to pronounce. But, it’s heavy and has various meanings throughout the world.

But, it’s crucial that we begin to understand it if we’re going to be so bold as to fight it.

Read the rest here.

Lesley writes about the significance of today’s date in her life.

In September, 1997, my mother called me at work one afternoon from Methodist North hospital. Jack had another heart attack. They weren’t going to do bypass surgery this time, but were going to perform angioplasty instead. She was upset. She’d spent years monitoring his diet, feeding him nothing but fish and chicken and vegetables, making sure he was exercising and not drinking beer and he was still having trouble. His heart disease was just not letting up. My most vivid memory during that time was seeing him in the hospital with his blood pressure artificially lowered. He could barely move or speak, but when I noted that his blood pressure was my normal blood pressure and that my cholesterol was in double digits, he feebly joked that I needed switch blood vessels with him.

When my mother called me that January morning in 1999, she was crying. She’d never been crying any other time. She’s a very strong woman, very good in crisis mode. She told me I need to come to the hospital right away and that she was in the chapel. Not the ICU waiting room; the chapel. I grabbed my purse and stopped by my boss’s office, “I’m sorry, I have to leave. I think my stepfather has died.”

Read the whole thing. I think many of us can relate to the emotions that she writes of and how very hard it is to make our parents feel better when they have lost the one they love.

Malia had a spa-gathering last night and it sounds like it was a smashing success …

And as I commented on her (Aunt B.) post, for me the indulgence and decadence of the evening wasn’t the spa treatments and the luscious food, it was the time spent with friends. For me, the absolute hardest thing about being a stay-at-home mom is the lack adult conversation and interactions. I try and seize every opportunity that comes my way to “pamper” myself with conversations that don’t include the phrases, “why do you smell like pee?” and “have you brushed your teeth yet?” and “stop pulling the dog’s tail!” and “no, you may not clean the bathroom with the toilet paper”. And to eat at restaurants that don’t serve plastic toys with their meals. And to not care about whether or not the kids like hummus or olive tapenade because I do and it’s my party and that’s what I’m serving!

Sounds like everyone who went had a great time. Malia is doing some groovy things right now.

This post by Katie Allison Granju SO inspired me…

I actually have one [New Year’s Resolution] this year and here it is:

Part I - I resolve - when forced to deal with them - to either completely ignore petty, mean-spirited and resentful people or to see my necessary dealings with them simply as opportunities to teach myself to be a better person.

Part II - I resolve to try harder to always take the high road in thought, word and deed.

Part III - I resolve to continually look for ways to weed petty and mean-spirited people and influences out of my daily life.

Part IV - I resolve - when faced with these folks - to recognize that they are acting out of their own pain and insecurities (as most humans are, most of the time) and cultivate compassion.

Indeed.

Megan attended the wedding of the year.

Now, let me just tell you. I already knew this was going to be a fancy-pants event since the bride’s parents are both doctors (one medical, one academic) and Miller’s parents are pretty well-to-do themselves. So I was well prepared with a nice cocktail dress, a holster of small-talk and some rockin’ kneeboots. What I was not prepared for was the snobby attitude the bridesmaids would have. Well, I should have been; I think most of them graduated from Vanderbilt (OK, cheapshot, but come on.) Luckily for me I am more dude-like than princess-like, so I just let it go and hung out fine with the dudes. Like usual.

I loved the whole post, but was shocked off my butt to realise that I haven’t attended a wedding in years. I guess I’m at that age where all my friends have been married once. After all the divorces they went through last year, I’d imagine there’ll be another round of weddings for me to attend in another year or so.

Heather is musing over at the monkeebook about some guidelines she calls the Homewreckers’ Handbook.

An excerpt:

Whenever something starts to get you irritated with your most recent baby daddy’s ex-wife, remember that he hasn’t paid her a damn dime in months and that she has brought over food for you and your kids when you didn’t have money for any…..all of this after you ****ED HER HUSBAND.

The Recovering Baptist wonders about why the holiday must bring family together:

Why do people who really don’t particularly like each other force themselves to have together time for the holidays, just because they share DNA? Is it really that important? Really? Blood relation? Why are you ruining a perfectly lovely time of year because of some bizarrely held feelings of obligation to people with whom you just really don’t connect at all? And do you ever look at your blood relations and think, “how in the hell did I come from this?” Not necessarily in a holier-than-thou way. Just in a way that comments upon how utterly and incredibly weird and unlikely it is that you have not one single thing in common, yet your background is so similar.

Family relationships are tough. I get that. Most of the family I have in this area and the family that we’ve just celebrated Christmas with is the family that I married into. I love them very much. They mean the world to me but some of the dynamics that exist within the family sometimes cause more stress than joy. Which is why I’m here today, at home, reading blogs.

A look into the life of a Grascal wife and her Mista:

The alarm clock went off this morning. It was on WSM. Bill Cody said something about “An Evening With The Grascals and Eddie Stubbs.” First I’d heard about a romantic evening between them and Senor Stubbs.

A little later, they put this guy on the air and asked him trivia questions. This ol’ boy was on his way to work and he answered them all correctly and his prize? An Evening With The Grascals. Heh. That made me laugh very loudly at such an early hour. “Listen to that”, I said to Sleeping Beauty Mr. Smiff. “That guy’s prize is he gets to come see you. What a lucky feller.” Har har.

This post also serves to point out the contest you can enter to that you too can have an “intimate evening” with The Grascals and Eddie Stubbs. Go here for details.

LeBlanc finds God at the hospital.

A really good post during a time of excruciating joy and extreme reflection during days, and weeks, at the VA Hospital.

Grace has a bit of a story about her recent date.

Last week, I had a hot date. ‘Cept I ended up with someone other than who I was planning on going out with.

It’s quite a story. I urge you to check it out.

Just in time for Holiday Gift Giving, Kathy T. unveils her book!

a Nashville Celebrity.

I’m in the middle of writing a book about Wales, which is why this entry from the Vol Abroad initially caught my eye. I’ve researched this book for more than two years–off and on–and have quite a litany of how intelligent the Welsh are. From my research it seems that much of modern pharmacology and social government have their roots in the Welsh way of life.

Yet it seems they don’t see it that way over in Great Britain.

The thick Welshman was a new stereotype for me when I came over here. I had no idea. But it’s pervasive. I once had a long, long conversation in the first class smoking carriage of a train to York with a Welsh fellow. We traded secrets about how we’d played on our regional accents (I can still sound Southern if I want to) acted dumb and gotten away with - if not murder - then free bus fares and out of traffic tickets and used it to gain advantage in sales.

I really don’t get the whole anti-Welsh thing. At all. Of course, the other weird British Stereotype I’ve noticed lately is that there is a really pervasive prejudice against red-headed or “ginger” people. Large numbers of Brits seem to hate redheads with the antipathy reserved for blacks or gays here in the States.

I do not get it at all. At all.